@SCbchbum: If horror movies have taught me anything, it's lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: My mom just texted me to say that her dog killed 2 groundhogs in her backyard this morning so I think she may be doing Groundhog Day wrong.
@skylerhanrath: [pirate ship] Pirate: Walk the plank Me: *struts down like nobody's business* Pirate: wait come back that was awesome you're one of us now
@brendohare: Well I'm not really sure why you put "Baby: Ages 0-6" on your resume, but more importantly, why were you a baby for so long
@PoliticallyILL1: I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."