@LeonEarlgrey: If I am farther than you in candy crush I will automatically think im smarter than you.
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@goulden_eye: Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery. LOL just kidding it was double homicide.
@rockymomax: Her: u have a choice its me or the megaphone Me: fine Her: good Me: [puts megaphone directly to her ear] I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE
@david8hughes: [first day as a bartender] Customer: gimme a scotch on the rocks Me [scrunching towel into glass]: I know lemonade, I can do lemonade