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@Sadieisonfire: If I answer yes maybe it'll finally come true
@joelu72: [being mugged]
ME: can i keep things of sentimental value?
ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card
@SamuelHLowe: I have sychic powers. For example, right now you're thinking, "it's psychic."
@SashaBrenner: I love the smell of relapse in the morning
@jazmasta: There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
@daemonic3: WAITER: Ready to order?
ME: First, I'd like to hear the chef's special
WAITER: Oh yes he's very special
[chef in background sheds a tear]