@Brianhopecomedy: If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, "Contact Him" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB.
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@Celestinelea90: I asked my kids today if they felt we spent enough time together and they both texted back that we did so I guess we are all good.
@stephenjmolloy: Devil worshipper leader: "Due to a typo we have summoned the wrong demon." Stan: "Hey there."
@robfee: If u had Hitler & a guy who doesnt mute the keyboard on his iPhone in a room & could only kill one, would u give Hitler the dead guys phone?
@RandomAntics: Maybe being fat isn't bad, it just sounds awful because we say 'morbidly obese'. Let's switch it to 'cheerfully obese' and see what happens.