@AngrEdmontonian: If I can pick up your dog with one hand, congratulations you own a cat.
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@haveigotnews: Apple launches new phone with no headphone jack, making it ideal for enjoying the free U2 album.
@1Bad_Scientist: Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?
@notalogin: Dog: I'm a man's best friend, he even named one of his teeth after me. Pussycat: Yeah, you're not gonna win this one.
@shawn_spree: I said I wouldn't go drinking in public again, but here I am waiting for my kids to get out of school.