@AngrEdmontonian: If I can pick up your dog with one hand, congratulations you own a cat.
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@jwoodham: Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: *Goes to zoo to see the world's oldest tortoise. Guide: He's over 200 years old. How cool is that? *Tortoise says something racist.
@I_Bl33d_Purple: I'm trying to be more fit these days, so now I walk inside the store to buy my donuts instead of using the drive-thru.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I wish airlines would stop calling it your "final destination" have they not seen those movies?