@WhrTheBrainRots: If I consider you a friend, I'll be there for you. With an ear, a shoulder, a drill, a shovel, an alibi - whatever you need to feel better.
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@TheTweetOfGod: As a rule, if the number of genders allowed to drive in your country is less than two, you live in an awful country.
@BlakWidowBarbee: Yoga is really kicking in. I'm seeing the definition in my arms and overall flexibility. My vibrator is gonna be really impressed.
@murrman5: [wife talking to me on phone 45 mins after I go to play poker at friends house] "stop crying for a second...what do you mean you lost me?"