@JasonLastname: If I could meet any celebrity it might have to be David Schwimmer. In a schwimming pool. Learning how to schwim.
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@Playing_Dad: [At Last Supper] *Jesus raises bread* This is my body *raises wine* & my blood *pulls out 8 of Clubs* & this is your card *Apostles go nuts*
@ssholeEric: Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
@therealeatwood: BOB: Hey boss can I get another raise SCROOGE: But I just gave you… B: What’s that over there, is it a gho-o-o-ost?? Ooooooooo S: OK! OK!
@maughammom: My 'Mom Voice' was so loud even the neighbors washed their hands and cleaned their rooms.