@captaincoximus: If I could pick a superpower it would be to clone myself so the other me could answer the 4,291,386 questions my 4 year old asks daily
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@WhiskeySoured: Never judge a book by its cover. Besides, you're on Twitter and don't even read books.
@Tommytoughstuff: COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* "Sorry this isn't my car."
@placeswewillgo1: CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don't Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.