@IntoxicaTweeted: If I die, tell them to reconstruct me from sock DNA.
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@SteveSuckington: My doctor had a plate of McDonalds food that was a year old to show people that it never rots. The burger was dry but the fries were decent.
@SaraESpivey: I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him GOD, I hope he calls me.
@YosefHawel: Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first.
@Dschnoeb: A woman on the subway this morning said "did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?" So really, we deserve this.