@IntoxicaTweeted: If I die, tell them to reconstruct me from sock DNA.
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@girl_a_whirl: [Paul Revere's Midnight Ride on a pogo stick] "The" *bounce* "British" *bounce* "are" *bounce* "coming!!" *bounce* *bounce*
@grammar_c**t: Does anyone know the difference between an elk and a deer?nnCos I think I just ran over a cyclist.
@Reverend_Scott: Welcome back to Taco Addicts Anonymous. Congratulations everyone here on stayin clean for 4 months and- [loud crunch noise in back of room]
@novicefather: I remember back when I had to charge my Nokia 8210 once every 96 days. My iPhone lost 4% just typing this tweet.