@DrTster: If I ever become rich, you know where all my money is going?
To the bank
@daemonic3: Cop: Know why I pulled you over?
Cop: Oh ok nevermind
@DonQuickoats: I wonder if they sell tumbleweeds on eBay, as it would be cool to have a few following me around the office wherever I go
@SingleGirlAlert: Me: Ur driving me crazy
Crazy: Nah, I'm too drunk
@Lord_Voldemort7: Q: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? A: So you'll never know which side he's on.
@KenJennings: Landlocked countries with beach volleyball teams: who do you think you're fooling?