@TomHanksIsHot: If I ever kill someone I'm dumping the body in a cemetery. Police will find it and be like "oh yeah this makes sense."
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@david8hughes: "You're in no position to be making demands." [does a handstand] "Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation." "Fair enough.
@yoyoha: Johnny Depp is proof that if you dress like you're a member of a rock band long enough one will just form around you eventually
@loudmouth_usa: Me: Ma'am your pet is loud. Lady: That's my baby. Me: Ma'am your pet baby is loud
@hunz74: My son has the worst altitude ever. He's defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground.