@TomHanksIsHot: If I ever kill someone I'm dumping the body in a cemetery. Police will find it and be like "oh yeah this makes sense."
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@_notyourmom_: My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday.
@HysteriaBarbie: I like to put my passengers as ease by pointing out where all the airbags are. Ending the safety message with "Just in case I crash again"
@mariokeyparty: It's kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn't