@timdonakowski: If I ever meet someone who's been in a coma since 2004, I'm trying to sell them a USB drive for $150.
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@OneFunnyMummy: Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up & play dead and they usually leave you alone.
@TheTweetOfGod: "I want my country back" is a fair and accurate thing to say if at one point in your life you owned the country.
@KyleMcDowell86: [old couple feeding ducks in the park] "Nothing could ruin this Edna" *I scare all the ducks away, punch the old man and steal their bread
@donni: Stop saying "There's plenty of fish in the sea." I'm sick of fish seducing all our human women!