@timdonakowski: If I ever meet someone who's been in a coma since 2004, I'm trying to sell them a USB drive for $150.
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@bombsydoll: What is WRONG with you??? Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything
@carlyken: Beware of girls like Princess Peach. She seems cool at first but she ends up in some other dude's castle far too often to be a coincidence.
@TragicAllyHere: My Kid: Are dinosaurs real? Me: yes but they died Kid: why did you kill them? M: I didn't! Kid: did you forget to water them like our plants
@donjuantip: i've decided to start a new healthier lifestyle. I'm adding cranberry juice to my morning Vodka.