@StarWarsProblms: Obi-wan: *holding baby* Let's make her a famous princess
Droid: What about the other baby?
Obi-wan:*shrugs* Dump him in a desert somewhere
@zachreinert03: What i do in my bedroom is my business, what I do in your bedroom ok I guess that's your business
@WheelTod: [First Date]
Her: Your Tinder profile says you're a great listener
Me: Really. Ugh. That's a typo. It should say I'm a "great listener."
@TragicAllyHere: Me: Alexa, when will computers become self-aware?
Alexa: When will YOU become self-aware?
M: *gazing out a window, crying* good one, Alexa
@JD_KC: The lady helping my wife design a dining room table handed me a note reading "blink if you're being held against your will"
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