@UGotMeRight: If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I'm gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth.
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@KentWGraham: Misery loves company. And from what I can tell, the company she loves is the one where I work.
@BuckyIsotope: *sits son down for the talk* You ready? “Yeah” Ok. When a man and a woman love each other- *pulls out Pokéball* -they throw this at a baby
@WilliamAder: Me: Sweetie, I think these wireless headphones you got me are defective. Wife: Those are earmuffs.