@UGotMeRight: If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I'm gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth.
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@VodkaThursday: Me:OMG RYAN GOSLING DIED! Oh. His hair. He dyed his hair. Brown. Can U believe that was a story? Husband: I think it worked great. Me:Zip it
@InternetHippo: [back in school] professor: read just 3 pages tonight. i beg you me: no [now] me: i’m gonna read 18 books for fun
@existentialcoms: What I like about humanity is that certain mustaches are more evil than others, and everyone basically agrees on which ones are which.