@UGotMeRight: If I ever run into Captian Crunch, I'm gonna punch him in the roof of his mouth.
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@eyeswidebutt: [a postapocalyptic world where everyone has killed themselves so they dont have to hear my opinions] me: lemme explain y this is problematic
@KalvinMacleod: SCIENTIST: it's both man and machine ME: what's it called? S: I call it a cyborg M: I would have went with manchine S: *crushes test tube*
@KKAlThani: "Dad, how did you fall in love with mom?" "Well, son, long story short I saw her picture on Instagram and it was love at first...filter."
@SortaBad: *Someone sends me a 4 minute video* me: [42 seconds later] wow that's so awesome thanks for sharing!