@Douchekevin: If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I'd totally be expecting some change back.
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@Book_Krazy: Interviewer: Any questions? Me: On the sitcom Friends, how come the only couch at the coffee shop was always available for them?
@squirrel74wkgn: I'm so angry right now that I could strategically throw my phone at a safe spot on the couch.
@Ideal_Victoria: The older I get, the more I relate to those angry elderly people who go around biting others.
@KeetPotato: [2 years after going missing at zoo] wife: [points at TV] "omg thats him" me: [on the news inside kangaroos pouch] "why is noone helping me"