@laurenmacdonald: If I give my dog a toy that doesn't make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life.
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@chamashouse: When the police asked me where I was between 4 and 5, apparently "Kindergarten" wasn't the answer he was looking for.
@leechee420: I saw my friend's kids at Walmart and they told me they were lost and I was like "good luck guys" and walked away. I'd be a great mother.
@Reverend_Scott: [Ouija Board] "Oh great spirits tell me ur secrets" Ｙｏｕ＇ｌｌ ｄｉｅ ｓｏｏｎ "OMG HOW" Ｈｏｌｄ ｏｎ Ｉ ｈａｖｅ ａｎｏｔｈｅｒ ｃａｌｌ