@laurenmacdonald: If I give my dog a toy that doesn't make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life.
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@jus4golf: I hang out with people smarter than me so when the zombies attack they will eat their brains first while I escape. Who's the idiot now Mom!?
@cuckoo_cachu: At this point, I'm positive I've read the entire Bible via Facebook status updates. *crosses off bucket list*
@ashlar36: Grandma: what's oversharing? Me: It's when you talk about your hemorrhoid surgery on FaceBook.
@KindOfASmartass: I don't steal my tweets from song lyrics! Seriously. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here.