@GregHenchman: If I had a bodyguard, I'm pretty sure he'd just spend most of his time sighing and saying "Don't eat that..."
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@FreckleMcPickle: Been married so long it's almost like a first date. Husband is always wondering if he's even gonna make it to 1st base.
@hamspamtymaam: If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance.
@lecalabara: You catch more flies with honey, even more with a dead body and way more with honey on a dead body.
@crushingbort: sometimes when a man and a woman love each other very much they decide to bring a tiny shitting bald man screaming into the world