@GregHenchman: If I had a bodyguard, I'm pretty sure he'd just spend most of his time sighing and saying "Don't eat that..."
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@joejwest: ME: You've put on weight DRACULA: No I haven't. Prove it ME: When you fly, how many bats do you turn into? DRACULA: [deep sigh] A shitload
@Thynebear: "You're bleeding because you don't floss" Me: No, I'm bleeding because I ate the entire bowl of deceivingly fake fruit in your waiting room.
@juliussharpe: I bet "Fifty Shades of Grey" won't make that much money because most of the people who want to see it are tied to a bedpost.