@Black__Elvis: If I had a daughter I wouldn't waste money on training bras, I'd trap wild bras and train them myself like our ancestors did.
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@TheCatWhisprer: On my home screen I surrounded the Fitbit app with a bunch of food delivery apps so it knows what's up.
@thisislizz: Dear Tech Support, I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?
@DaddyJew: Please keep my son in your prayers, he walked out of the house with only 3% battery left on his kindle and judging by his reaction this is the end of the world. Prayers
@flashember: [young Santa Claus's dating profile] looking for a girl who loves snow, living in perpetual darkness and cooking for thousands of elf slaves