@Midgetspar: If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days.
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@pattioshankable: Think having your kid hear you having sex is the worst? NOPE! Having your kid run into the room with a light saber to save you...MUCH WORSE!
@PaperWash: [Jesus opens his fortune cookie] SOMEONE WILL BETRAY YOU "Uh oh" YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS ARE 4 2 0 6 9 "Haha nice!"
@WhatsHerFace33: Friend - You smell nice, what's that perfume you're wearing? Me - Fear and fabric softener.