@TheBoydP: If I had a time machine I would go back to certain conversations with my wife to see if she really said the things she's told me I forgot...
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@InternetHippo: I’m trying this Paleo lifestyle where I live in constant fear and die at the age of 28
@WhatTheFFacts: On June 28, 2009 Stephen Hawking threw a party for time-travelers. He announced the party the day after it happened and he said no one came.
@TeaPartyCat: BREAKING: FBI discovers that Hillary’s 30,000 deleted emails were all Facebook notifications from Biden tagging her on cat videos.
@sofarrsogud: OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY BOSS: I don't know you. Do you work here? ME: *sips wine* No. HIM: So your wife does? ME: *sips his wine* Again no.