@ninjadinosaur1: If I had a twin, whenever someone asked which one of us was older, I'd tell them that we both came out at the exact same time.
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@KyleMcDowell86: [Elephant at a party] Nice piano! [me] thanks [Elephant] What are the keys made of? [Me] Uhh.. [Rhino appears behind me] Tell him Kyle
@TweetPotato314: Juliet: *Sees Romeo's lifeless body* Eh, it was like 4 days. Shakespeare: *From overhead* No, you're distraught! You also want to kill yourself. J: But, I'm only 13! S: C'mon you agreed to this. You're the lead! J: Fine! *plunges dagger into heart* - Shakespeare Pressure
@iwearaonesie: wife: The school called. Guess why? [flashback to me telling my son every answer on his math homework was 69] me: Why?
@Nyx422: Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you just plow thru Uranus because it's all gas. I cannot respond maturely.