@runawaycupcake: If I had known what cleaning a toilet is like with a husband and two sons I would've become a lesbian.
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@TheBoydP: Not to brag but growing up my boys thought a unanimous decision meant whatever mom wants.
@euanDroberts: And the Lord said to Peter "come forth and you will receive eternal life". But Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
@thedadonline: [army training] Sergeant: dude you gotta stop crying Me, sobbing uncontrollably: this is torture Sergeant: everyone has to make their own bed
@Darlainky: Kids today will never know the joy of being selected to go outside to dust the erasers.