@OhNoSheTwitnt: If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I'll assume you're Benjamin Button and unfriend you.
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@protolalia: It's sad when your closest friends get remarried and you know it'll be another 2-5 years before they're single and ready to hang out again.
@BlakWidowBarbee: My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard.