@DepecheALAmode: If I owned a bar I would pour myself shots all the time, look in the mirror, wink and say "It's on the house."
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@CrackYouWhip: Just saw a fat woman lick icing off of her sleeve so that is the last time I eat in front of a mirror.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [at Starbucks] Barista: Coffee? Me: Yes, a medium please Coffee: I'm strongly sensing the presence of your great grand aunt Lucille