@AntiJokeTyrone: If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die
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@notalogin: [God making a planet for the first time and just constantly screwing things up] Ugh, first world problems.
@Jill_Doe_: There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon.
@StinkyGr33n: Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today: Me: What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye? Him: I give up Me: A terrorst
@pixelatedboat: "Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world