@hodgesboi15: If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die
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@xLiserx: People who buy copious amounts of everything before a blizzard: Is there nothing in your house every other day of the year?
@FatherofTweet: Wife: "The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie." Husband: "Which is this?"
@iLiveSilent: In Ancient Days, Newscasters Kept You Updated On The Latest News Happening Flat The World.
@TheMongoose69: Had to get sticky tape and gift tags surgically removed from my body at the hospital... Proving once again that white guys can't wrap.