@nowarranty: If I say, "Don't worry, I'm on it," there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch.
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@50NerdsofGrey: His tongue explored the hole, probing deeper and deeper until she just couldn't take it any more. 'Would you just eat your donut already?!?'
@Underchilde: Unless it’s that scary chick from The Ring, I really don’t care who is in the restroom with me.
@TheBeerGuy73: Every few weeks I login to Facebook, update my birthday to the current day, and those idiots wish me happy birthday every time.