@mishakey: If I see you being rude to a waitress, I'll spit in your food myself.
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@lazerdoov: Mcdonalds showing people doing yoga in their commercials is like George Bush having a library named after him.
@LackOfShame: "You have 15 seconds to convince me of why I should call you back. Good luck." - my voicemail message
@XplodingUnicorn: Nice try, coworker who offered me coffee. The last thing I want to do at work is be awake.
@abbycohenwl: Pet Store Manager: What qualifies you to work here? Applicant: I'm kind of sweet yet sad & a bit creepy for some reason PSM: You're hired!