@WhatevaConc: If I see you wearing those toe shoes, I will call the police and give them your description every time a crime is reported on the news.
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@graceful_asfuck: Family: come play dodgeball Me: nah Fam: oh come on Me: no thanks Fam: JUST PLAY Me: *nails 6 year old in the face*
@McMcmadmac: My mothers nearly 80 and she still doesn't need glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle!
@BuckyIsotope: [wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?
@TheMichaelRock: 8yo [looking at a poorly wrapped gift] was Santa drunk when he wrapped this? Me: that's purely speculation