@leshnevsky: If I stabbed someone with icicle, no one would find the murder weapon, because it melts. This thought is haunting me.
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@iwearaonesie: wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree
@theshamingofjay: God: thou shall not kill Me: but my coworker whistles all day God: still no Me: he says ciao instead of goodbye God: do what you have to
@TheToddWilliams: Man: You've been very loyal but it's best we part ways Dog: I don't understand. What's the problem? Man: Your talking kinda freaks me out.