@cajones113: If I take anymore ibuprofen, I'm going to have to log it as a snack.
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@askceil: How to Talk To A Woman Who Is Hiding Behind That Plant. Now She's In The Alley. Wow, She's A Fast Runner. How To Talk To The Police.
@panmidwest: Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put "who rescued who?" stickers on your car... you drive me crazy! Clearly it's "who rescued whom?"
@Jenny4ashley: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*
@OhNoSheTwitnt: You think if I tell my dad "30 is the new 20" he'll start paying all my bills for me again like he did 10 years ago?