@MableGertrude: If I was a bodybuilder I would slather up with grease and slide to work instead of driving to save money.
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@hotdogsladies: I say: "No, sorry. I'm not on Facebook at all." They hear: "I live amongst hill people where The Goat we worship has forbidden friendship."
@jergarl: You're doing really well now please pull into this liquor store do you want anything? -Me as a Drivers Ed teacher
@CatherineLMK: "Damnit!" -a burglar, discovering yet another drawer filled with dead batteries, take-out menus, and pen caps.
@pinupteacher: [Chaperoning field trip] ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids. AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid.