@ISOremarkable: if i was a conductor of an orchestra, i would abuse my power by making them warm up to a stirring rendition of "ice, ice, baby."
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@PhilJamesson: Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]
@WilliamAder: Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
@SirEviscerate: There are no atheists in parking lots where you've dropped your phone face down on the asphalt.
@CelebrityChez: In retrospect, "so I guess we would all look the same if we were made into sausage" was probably weird small talk for a funeral.