@PhilJamesson: Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]

@WilliamAder: Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.

@SirEviscerate: There are no atheists in parking lots where you've dropped your phone face down on the asphalt.

@CelebrityChez: In retrospect, "so I guess we would all look the same if we were made into sausage" was probably weird small talk for a funeral.

@Elizasoul80: Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they're the problem is the other half.