@Fred_Delicious: [Biden runs into the oval office]
"Barack, ISIS are on the phone. They want a shipment of updog. I asked what it is but they just laughed"
@BritXMeh: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and you're a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details.
If you're reading this Adewale, call me?
@pleatedjeans: Me: we're throwing a surprise party for Tim
Wife: don't you hate Tim?
Me: [filling balloons with bees] yes
@Try2StopME: Doctors would be pretty cool superheroes except for the fact their weakness is apples.
@YES_IM_RUDE: FUN FACT:
Scientists have proven, there IS in fact life outside the United States.
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