@rmfnord: If I was a ghost, I'd write "Happy Birthday" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday.
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@fightforfood: Let's talk about Sex Baby. I regret you naming our son that. You're a real piece of shit, Tammy.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If I worked in a used record store I would tell every customer "all sales are vinyl" until I was fired. It would be worth it.
@QwertyJones3: A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
@Parkerlawyer: Client, "I should have known this marriage was going to fail when he hid my engagement ring in a gas station taquito."