@adam_bloomquist: If I was a girl named Isis, I'd be pissed that half the people decided to change my name to Isil.
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@AngelaEhh: It's that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't fall asleep during the middle of an argument with your spouse over whether or not you pay attention to her.
@ItsAndyRyan: Unfortunately, the house having 'period features' turned out to mean we had to get the decorators in once a month.
@KeetPotato: nurse: "if youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half" me: [visibly confused] wife: "the grapes keith not the baby"