@adam_bloomquist: If I was a girl named Isis, I'd be pissed that half the people decided to change my name to Isil.
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@13spencer: I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him.
@Sandrahadenough: Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!! And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on "COPS"
@shadygrenade: *ransom note on gun* [1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions] [ps please mail gun back it's my only one]
@ComedicBust: My boss took me out to dinner to celebrate my promotion, but after he watched me eat ribs for 20 minutes, I was given a severance package.