@SadPeruna: If I was a magician I'd ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that.
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@robdelaney: The name Corey is short for Coriander. Coreys will try & tell you it's not but they are lying.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [magicians backstage] don't panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half
@DoogieHorner: Dogs are "practice babies" and cats are "practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with."
@ItsAndyRyan: First date Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers Her: Wow, impressive Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos