@jwoodham: If I was a Quidditch player I'd be the Seeker, because I'm really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something.
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@RBColl: [spelling bee] Teacher: Your word is indictment. Me: Can you use that in a sentence? Teacher: Yes, I can use indictment in a sentence.
@CulturedRuffian: Waiter: Would you like regular or decaf? Me: Do you want me to tip you with real money or Monopoly money?
@samfromks: If you wear a man bun in a dimly lit restaurant and I call you ma'am... That's on you.
@AnnaKendrick47: In first grade when I'd tell my parents what I learned in class and they'd act amazed, I'd think "Shouldn't you know this shit already?"