@jwoodham: If I was a Quidditch player I'd be the Seeker, because I'm really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something.
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@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like trying to remember which brownies I packed in my son's lunch box
@WildeThingy: [electric chair] "Any requests for your final minutes?" "Yeh, I want the last episode of Lost explained." *acquitted on a technicality
@Chumpstring: [cop car jeopardy] Me: confiscated items for $200 Alex: this green p- Me: what is marijuana? Alex: yes Cop: be quiet back there Me & Alex: k
@Nikkeya08: Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00. Me: Can you take off the avocado? Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.