@aaronnemo: If I was ever on Jeopardy I would call Trebek the wrong name like I'd never heard of him. "I'll take Beauty Pageants for 400, Jason."
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@histwaddle: People need to stop judging a person by their appearance. Just because i have food stains on my shirt that doesn't mean i have kids.
@Jenny4ashley: No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
@OfficialMizGin: My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn’t invite anybody I could eat all the snacks.