@AlexEllisdon: If I was in charge of SWAT I'd change the name to the "Special Weapons And Grenades" team just so police would have to radio in for SWAG
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@_Tempo11: [voice recognition in car] Car: "please say a command" Me: "call Tim" Car: "calling Sarah Marcogliese"
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Cold out night. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: NASA found LSD improved spiders' ability to make webs. Me: Fair enough.
@BuckyIsotope: I'll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: "of course you're supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot."