@bridger_w: If I were a mob boss, I'd ask my henchmen to meet me down by the docks, then surprise them with a day of water skiing
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@AlmightyBored: During a natural disaster be sure to keep your phone with you at all times. You never know when you might think of a joke to tweet.
@isabelzawtun: I ruined our romantic honeymoon to Venice by pronouncing canal wrong the whole time. You know how. You get it. I grow weary of this website
@mrtruthandsoul: I've decided to take some time off Twitter so I can focus on work and, ok, I'm back
@ThRealBallsDeep: Sorry I threw firewood at you and yelled "shoo", but with the amount of eye liner you wear, you resemble the raccoons that raided my cooler.