@Kendragarden: If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby
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@osigat: When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.
@david8hughes: Me: kids, your mother & I are in a gang now. There's room for 2 more members Son: but there's 3 of us Me [petting both our dogs]: 3 what?
@LaziestCanine: Wife: we need to improve our home Me: agreed Wife: remodeling the kitchen should be top priority Me: [crosses out "get more dogs"] obviously
@BuckyIsotope: *doctor looks up* I'm afraid you have forgetting about 80's bands disease "Oh god what's The Cure?" *doctor sighs* It's worse than I thought