@Kendragarden: If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby
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@charliedelta7: One day, someone will call me sir without adding "I think we're going to have to ask you to leave."
@realbjdunne: [Mexican Restaurant] Waiter: a little salsa for your chips, folks? Patron: I dunno... *looks at chips* you guys want him to dance for you?
@TheGoodGodAbove: The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint