@Kendragarden: If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby
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@amselts: *cleans house while wife's out* W: *walks in* wow babe, thanks so- M: APRIL FOOL'S *runs around making huge mess til it's worse than before*
@Awesome_Todd: I like to remind my kids who's boss by putting a cherry tomato on top of their ice cream sundaes every once in a while.
@JohnHilsen: When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this.