@SteveInevitable: If I'm in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
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@Dan_Haak: Me: *being hauled on a stretcher into an ambulance* Shotgun! EMT: dude your gonna die if you si- Driver: dammit Dave, he called shotgun
@Swishergirl24: If I tell you I can't text you because I'm driving it's only because I'm also eating.
@rumsnipe: Mechanic : your motor is losing power and it won't last long. Me : you been talking to my wife bro?