@LoneWolfStories: If I'm your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
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@Home_Halfway: I really want to rent a hot air balloon. Or at least a moderately attractive air balloon with a great personality.
@HatfieldAnne: (starts to scramble eggs) “THESE YOLKS WON'T BREAK! THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!” (.0008 seconds later) “Oh, ok.”
@david8hughes: [first day working at the pizzeria] Me [cheeks full like a hamster]: boss, we've run out of everything