@LoneWolfStories: If I'm your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
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@o__0Dev: Clearly the people that design refrigerators don't know me if they think 1 tiny cheese drawer & 2 giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
@gerryhallcomedy: Cop: Sir, you can't use hand-held communication devices while driving Me: [trying to hide ouija board] What are you talking about?
@KyleMcDowell86: "Is that a banana in ur pocket or are u just happy to see me haha" [i pull a hand full of lasagna out of my pocket] "Actually it's lasagna"