@bobsin: If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she's practising for her next selfie
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@JMFingSparks: 5yo: *smells glue stick* Me: DON'T BE SMELLING THAT!! 5yo: it smells like strawberries! Me: give me that...*smells glue stick*
@peterjames48: How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix? One? I say one.
@joeheenan: I've discovered my home doesn't have a basement. It was just the estate agent doing that walking down the stairs thing behind the couch