@shawn_spree: If it wasn't for the internet, I would think "12 Years A Slave" was a movie about a guy exaggerating about the first 3 weeks of marriage.
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@buhsbaby_baby: "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses" -I remind myself as I flirt with the fire extinguisher I've mistaken for a cute guy
@darinlovesbacon: Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty
@Marlebean: Eating a banana. Thought I should tell you. Twitter seems concerned about women getting enough potassium. But... why can't I use my teeth?