@s8n: If it's 1 or 1000 sins you're still getting sent to Hell. So why not go for 1,000,000 sins and come down here a legend
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@jimmytorosian: Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess. Murderer: I didn't do nothin' Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer.
@BackrowSeats: People that say "God never gives you more than you can handle" never met my ex-girlfriend.
@JesKeepSwimming: The ones you keep closest to your heart hurt you the most. Like the underwire in my bra that tried to stab me.
@moron_online: I am the human equivalent of that little line of dirt that never goes into the dustpan no matter how hard you sweep it