@s8n: If it's 1 or 1000 sins you're still getting sent to Hell. So why not go for 1,000,000 sins and come down here a legend
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@Parkerlawyer: "I got in a fight at Michaels over glitter glue once, so you should probably step aside." -Me, to a guy buying the last of my favorite wine
@INDlAN_: *lost in China* Friend: ask that man where we are Me [pretending to speak Chinese with a local]: xian chan sēn F: well? Me: we’re in China
@Donna_McCoy: There's no time capsule quite like the pocket of a coat that's been in the closet for a year.
@Dirty_Naomi: I sleep with a knife under my bed in case I can't open my midnight snacks. It also comes in handy if people try to steal them.