@Manali_Shetye5: If it's not Valentine's Day and you see a man in flower shop, you can probably start the conversation with "What did you do?".
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@freypalm: Me: [to cat] HEY! GET YOUR PAW OUTTA THAT FISH TANK, MISTER. Fish: [holding the cat’s paw] Ignore him—he’ll never understand love.
@ByYourLogic: i'm every guy who says he's taking a twitter break for mental health reasons and then returns 6 hours later
@iwearaonesie: me *walks into house* wife: Where are the kids? me *turns around and goes back out*