@TheBoydP: If it's so good why can't I find a single car wash that carries the Brazilian wax thingy you guys keep tweeting about?
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@ShutUpThatsWho: ME: I know it's probably the beer talking, but you look beautiful tonight! BEER: Hey buddy, don't be putting words in my mouth now.
@Darlainky: A costumer just said to me that my daughter and I look like twins. And I was like, "Well, we were separated at birth."
@KrunkedRobot: If you think the USA can shoot down nuclear missiles fired by North Korea just remember we couldn't even have lights at the Super Bowl.
@tangledteatime: Me: Am I your only friend? Imaginary friend: Sure are! Imaginary friend's imaginary friend: Wow, I'm right here.