@scorpicpanda: If I've learned one thing from watching horror movies, it's if you buy snacks from vending machines, you will die.
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@murrman5: *catches frisbee* "this is the kinda thing I mean when I say you guys don't take staff meetings seriously"
@OhhScarlet23: My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he's ok with it when he finds out.
@WilliamAder: Twitter updated their Terms of Service. Now it just says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here."
@ArfMeasures: GF: I'm leaving with the kids if you don't stop pretending our house is a hospital ME: That'll be great, we really need the beds