@myonlymizztake: Autocorrect changed fries to friend and I think I've offered to eat my friend. I'm not sure if I should clarify, or see where it goes.

@WilliamAder: Caught myself staring into the medicine cabinet like I do with the refrigerator.

@Jmboyd58: Yes, I absolutely want to hear about your cat's medication.

@OtherDanOBrien: *Detective stands over murder victim* This looks like a case of... *Takes off sunglasses* *Removes contacts* *Brushes teeth* *Goes to bed*

@serialmatrix: How school works: In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples.He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass.