@behindyourback: If Jesus loves me how come he's never liked a single one of my instagram selfies
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@myonlymizztake: Autocorrect changed fries to friend and I think I've offered to eat my friend. I'm not sure if I should clarify, or see where it goes.
@OtherDanOBrien: *Detective stands over murder victim* This looks like a case of... *Takes off sunglasses* *Removes contacts* *Brushes teeth* *Goes to bed*